


Best Kept Secret

by MrsMusicAddict



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Depressed Dean, M/M, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 15:29:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2697956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsMusicAddict/pseuds/MrsMusicAddict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel put Sam and Dean into a different universe to prevent them from dying, unbeknownst to Sam and Dean. It is supposed to be a happier life for both of them, but Dean isn't coping well. And neither is Castiel.<br/>Whereas Castiel remembers everything, Dean is only haunted by a pair of blue eyes in his dreams. </p><p>What will happen if Castiel decides to help Dean after being told not to? Will the consequences of his actions be worth it, or will his family win over his heart? Will it help Dean, in the end?</p><p>This story is told from multiple POVs, since I can't seem to stick to just one character. I also suck at summaries, sorry!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> This is my first ever Destiel-fic, so I am incredibly nervous. I was going to write a whole lot before posting, but that always make the nerves worse, so I am just going to post it as I go along. This means that there might be some time between updates, but I'll try to do my best!  
> Every feedback is welcome, just don't be mean? Nobody likes an asshole ;)
> 
> The warnings say Depressed Dean and Suicidal thoughts. Since I haven't actually written much more yet, I can't say if this will be something that will keep on going, but I figured I should warn anyway. It's more implied than anything. 
> 
> However, I do think this will be the "darkest" chapter of this fic. It's the set up, and basically from there it can only get better!
> 
> And then last: This fic is inspired by the song "Best Kept Secret" - Destine. I'm not completely sure why, but it just did. I think it's the line about secrets. Anyways, I love the song, and you guys should give it a try!
> 
> Now, without further ado...

_And I’ll sing them oh so well_  
 _The things that my words couldn’t tell_  
 _I’ll sing of secrets I can’t keep_  
 _As long as you will sing it back at me_

* * *

“Dean!”

Dean grumbled and turned around, putting his pillow over his head. There was no way he was getting up with this headache. His brother could go screw himself.

He heard the door open and sighed. Seemed like Sammy didn’t agree with him.

“Dammit, Dean,” Sam sighed as he took in the sight of his older brother.

Dean was sprawled out over his bed, stark naked. The first few times it had bothered Sam, but now he expected it. The room itself was littered with empty beer bottles, and a bottle of whiskey that could’ve been empty as well for all he knew.

“Just what are you trying so hard to forget?” Sam muttered as he walked into the room. It really bothered him to see his big brother like this. Dean was the brother he had always looked up to. Dean was the brother who showed him their father wasn’t always right. Dean convinced him it _was_ okay to love whomever you loved, back when Sam was 14 and freaking out about being attracted to another boy.

There was just too much to list, and Sam just hoped he could return the favor somehow. If it hadn’t been for Dean, John would have never talked to him again after Sam had told him he liked boys just as much as girls. It saddened him greatly that his father wasn’t around anymore when he got married to Jess, the love of his life.

Dean had teased him, about him marrying a girl, just to please Dad, but they both knew it wasn’t like that. Sam just hoped Dean would someday find the love of _his_ life. He also knew that wasn’t going to happen until Dean would open his eyes fully.

Sam decided to start with opening Dean’s eyes in the literal sense of the word.

* * *

Dean had heard Sam’s mutter and was mulling it over himself until his little brother decided it was time to drag him out of bed.

He hated these moments. He knew what he was doing was wrong, and whenever Sam found him like this, he felt incredibly ashamed. Not that he’d ever show Sam.

The fact was, Dean didn’t even know exactly why he was drinking himself into oblivion multiple times a week. He just had the feeling something was missing. Like something had been ripped away from him, something big, and now he was trying to survive without it. His instinct telling him that if he drank enough, the feeling would go away. It didn’t.

It had started around 3 months ago. One minute he was happy, and the next he crumbled to the floor, clutching his chest in agony. Ever since he hadn’t been the same, and no one around him knew what happened to him. He couldn’t explain it either. So he didn’t even bother to try. He was just glad he was alone when it happened.

The first month he accompanied the booze with lots of chicks, but for some reason that made him feel even worse, so he stopped with that. Whenever he was feeling horny, he’d just lay a hand on himself. He always tried to picture beautiful women, but in the end he always ended up coming with a clear vision of the most stunning blue eyes he had ever seen.

Dean somehow felt that those blue eyes were key to everything, to everything he was missing. So wherever he went, he searched for those eyes, but no luck so far.

And after a useless day of not finding the eyes he was looking for, he drowned himself in alcohol. Only to be found by his little brother the morning after.

It was an endless cycle and he didn’t know how to get out of it.

He had one idea, although he knew he could never hurt the people around him like that. Especially not his little brother. That didn’t mean the thoughts didn’t swim around in his head from time to time.

But before he could fully form those thoughts once again, a bucket of ice cold water had come down on him.

Dean yelped and scrambled out of bed. He hadn’t even heard Sam leave, dammit.

“What the hell, Sammy!” Dean’s eyes quickly found Sam and he couldn’t help but glare. His anger turned to hurt when he saw that Sam didn’t even look amused anymore, but just sad. His shoulders slumped.

“Never mind. I’ll uh, I’ll go take a shower and see you downstairs in a few minutes,” he muttered as he quickly grabbed some clothes and walked into his bathroom. His hangover quickly cleared away. He turned on the water and stepped under it when the temperature was right.

Dean felt the tears burn but he refused to let them fall. He had no reason to cry, so he wasn’t going to. He was the one who was screwing things up. No need to feel sorry for himself.

And if some tears made it out after all, Dean just pretended it was the water from the shower.

* * *

Sam’s heart sank when he saw the pain in his brother’s eyes, and he just wished Dean would talk to him. Tell him what was wrong. What drove him to act this way. Even if Dean didn’t know it himself, maybe together they could figure it out.

Sam missed his brother. Everyone, missed Dean. Dean had completely shut himself out. Sure, he still worked at the garage, but Bobby told him Dean mostly kept quiet, which worried him. Dean used to be the one to get told to shut up, but now Bobby just wished he’d say something, _anything_.

Sam could relate. Sure, Dean still talked to him, but never about something of importance. They mostly talked about Sam’s life while watching TV.

The door to the bathroom slammed shut and Sam let out the breath he was holding. At least Dean was out of bed.

He quickly went around the room to collect the bottles and made his way downstairs dialing Bobby.

“How’s he doing?” the gruff voice greeted him from the other end. Sam sighed.

“He’s up and in the shower.”

Bobby hummed and Sam nodded, even if he knew that Bobby couldn’t see him.

“Drunk off his ass, as usual?”

“Actually, no,” Sam started. “I’m sure he was last night, but this morning… God Bobby, he looked broken. As if he had given up.” Sam took a deep breath. “He scared the hell out of me…”

Bobby stayed silent for a little while, and Sam patiently waited for him to speak up. He knew there was no sense in rushing Bobby, no matter how panicked you were. He used the time to collect the ingredients he needed to make Dean breakfast. Or lunch. That depended on your view.

“So, here’s what you’re gonna do, son,” Bobby said and Sam quickly put everything down to listen intently. “No matter how much grief he’ll give you, you’re gonna take him out today. He hasn’t been out in at least two weeks, except for the garage, and that just ain’t healthy. Take him to the car show that’s going on this weekend, it’s only an hour away. Try to get some life back into him, and maybe even try to get him to talk. The boy is killing himself slowly, and I’m not about to let that happen.”

It was silent again, and Sam imagined Bobby drawing a hand over his face.

“I’d take him myself, but he doesn’t talk to me at all, so that wouldn’t do much good.”

“No that’s alright, Bobby. I’ll take him, I’ll do my best. I’ll let you know how it went.”

He heard footsteps on the stairs and he quickly hung up the phone after a hurried goodbye. He went back to fixing breakfast, waiting for Dean to say something as he shuffled into the kitchen.

After a full minute Dean finally spoke.

“You don’t have to do this, Sammy. I can take care of myself.”

Sam clenched his fist around the spatula he was holding. He had never heard Dean’s voice like this, not even after their Dad had died. It was almost apologetic, empty. As if he wasn’t worth Sam’s help.

Sam knew he couldn’t face his brother right now, so he focused on scrambling the eggs.

“I know you can, Dean, and that’s not the problem. The problem is that you _won’t_.”

Sam then waited for a reply, anything, but nothing came. He finished up the breakfast and brought it to the table. He had made scrambled eggs, bacon and toast, something that usually brought some kind of smile to Dean’s face.

Not today.

Dean only looked at the plate and then back up at Sam.

“’m not hungry.”

Sam took a deep breath and looked up at his brother.

“I’m gonna talk for a bit here, and you’re going to listen. So help me God, you are going to listen to me.”

Dean’s head snapped up in surprise. Sam never talked to him this way.

“I’m not sure what’s going on with you, because you won’t tell me, and that’s fine. I’ll wait until you’re ready to do so. But until then, I won’t allow you to be this way. Dammit, Dean, I’ve never seen you like this! What happened in the last 24 hours? I don’t care that you don’t want me to take care of you, because I’m family, and that’s what family _does_ , whether you like it or not. So I won’t let you try to be the bigger man here. You are going to sit your ass down and eat your food, and when you’re done, you are going to go back up, and change into actual clothes, not this sweats crap you’re wearing now, and after that, we’re going out.”

Sam held his breath, waiting for the inevitable blow out Dean was about to have. He wasn’t scared, he was welcoming it. At this point, he would take any kind of Dean-like behavior. It had hardly been an hour since he had woken up Dean, but the way Dean had acted, or not acted, really, scared him shitless.

He felt like someone punched him in the gut when Dean just half-nodded and sat down to eat his food.

* * *

Dean felt awful. He felt miserable that he was hurting his little brother. He wished he could shut him out too, but he knew that Sam would never let that happen, and to be honest, he wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to do it in the first place.

So instead of fighting Sam he just went along with whatever he said, purposefully ignoring the worried look in Sam’s eyes.

They were now sitting in Sam’s car, because no matter how far Dean was out of it, he would never let Sam take his car, and Dean was wondering where they were going. Not that he necessarily cared. All he had wanted to do was get back to bed and hide from the world. He knew that made him sound like a little kid, but he was way past caring. He had no interest in walking around all day looking for the eyes only to be disappointed after. Dean didn’t think he could handle it, and he was scared of what he might do if it all got too much.

After about an hour, Dean felt the car slowing down and he lifted his head to look outside. He saw quite the crowd of people milling around and rows of cars everywhere.

“Where are we?” Dean managed not to flinch at the sound of his own voice, but he saw that Sam wasn’t as successful. He quickly made the decision to not speak unless it was absolutely necessary.

“Remember that car show you were talking about a few months back? You were so excited, even thinking of signing up your own car to be put up for display, so I figured I’d take you!”

Dean ignored the fact that Sam was obviously trying to put up a good front, and looked out the window again. It did sound familiar, but he hadn’t thought about it anymore lately. To be honest, he had completely forgotten about it.

He gave a small smile, that judging by Sam’s face, looked more like a grimace, and nodded before getting out of the car.

Sam quickly followed and together they made it to the ticket booth.

* * *

“You can’t! Don’t you even think about going down there!” Gabriel shouted.

“And why not?” Castiel roared. “I made this mess. I thought I did the right thing, preventing them from dying, but all I did was make Dean even more miserable. He’s right on the brink of being suicidal! Sam might be happy, but this situation with his brother isn’t doing him much good either!”

Castiel sighed and looked down.

“Gabe, just look at them. They are at a show that Dean under any other circumstances would have loved, and he’s just walking around as if he’s barely awake. Sam is doing all he can, but as long Dean won’t talk to him, he can’t do anything.”

“Yeah, that’s all very unfortunate, but Cassie, what are you going to do? Tell them everything? They’ll never believe you.”

“Dean might,” Castiel said softly. “He knows something is off. Wrong. It’s why he’s like this.”

Gabriel took a deep breath and made Castiel focus on him.

“Cassie… Dean doesn’t remember you. I know that’s not what you want to hear, and I know it is breaking your heart, but that doesn’t change anything. You made that decision, and trust me, it was the right one.”

Castiel’s eyes hardened. Gabriel had no idea about how he was feeling. He felt pretty much the same as Dean. The only difference was that Castiel knew why.        

“How is it the right one when Dean might still die? There is no way I am going to let that happen, standing idly by!”

Castiel decided it might be best not to mention to Gabriel that Dean at least remembered his eyes. Even if Dean didn’t know who they belonged to. He knew the search was killing Dean more than anything, and that was something he could easily help with. He could at least put that bit to rest, hopefully, and be a good friend.

“So what?” Gabriel’s voice raised in volume. “You’re gonna change their universe again? Cassie, I know you were with them for a very long time and adapted human emotions in that time, especially when you briefly _were_ a human, but you need to let those emotions go. You’re an _angel_. Act like one!”

Castiel bristled and before Gabriel could say anything else, he left.

“It’s _Castiel_ ,” he sent up to Gabriel before closing off the connection. He was going to do this the human way.

* * *

After a few hours of aimlessly walking around, Dean was dead tired. The cars were awesome and on any other day he would have at least found some pleasure in all of it, but today it just felt useless. After an hour he had even stopped looking at people’s eyes, and his hands were itching, his body restless.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Sam asked when he caught Dean fidgeting again. He was at a loss. He had barely gotten anything out of Dean during the time they were here, and he felt ready to tear his hair out.

Dean looked up sharply. “Nothing. It’s nothing.” He took a deep breath. “Can we, ehm… Can we just go? I am not feeling well…”

Sam let out his breath and looked away before he nodded.

“Sure. Let’s go.”

Dean grabbed his wrist before Sam could walk away. “I’m sorry, Sammy. I really am.”

Sam didn’t know exactly what his brother was apologizing for, but it felt way bigger than what it sounded like on the surface. He’d ask him in the morning.

“It’s okay, Dean, don’t worry. It’ll all be alright.”

Dean decided not to respond and he turned around to walk back to their car, knowing Sam would follow. He was trying to figure out whether or not to ask Sam to stay the night. He knew that if he did, Sam would want an explanation, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to give it. But if he didn’t…

Dean didn’t really want to know.

However, before he could get very far, he crashed into the person in front of him.

On instinct his hands shot out to steady them, but unlike other times, he was now rambling off excuses.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. I was just thinking and I didn’t see you there, and I’m so sorry…”

He could feel Sam’s eyes boring into the back of his head. If Sam wasn’t worried about his behavior already, he was now. Dean was sure of it. He never apologized for things like this, but he just didn’t have the energy to come up with some witty replies.

When the person in question didn’t say anything, Dean slowly let himself look up. The first thing that he noticed was the coat the person, apparently a man, was wearing. It was a beige trench coat, which was covering up a suit with a blue tie. The man’s hair was dark brown, almost black in certain light, and thoroughly tousled, as if he had been running his hands through it a lot lately.

It was only then that Dean caught the man’s eyes and his breath caught in his throat. There was no mistaking them. Dean was sure there was no other pair of eyes like this out there. They were the eyes from his dreams and Dean was having trouble breathing.

When the man looked back at him, a shudder went through Dean’s body, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d say the man had had the same response.

The man opened his mouth a few times, no doubt to say something, only to then shut it again.

He finally spoke, in a low gravelly voice, that for some reason sounded vaguely familiar to Dean.

“That’s quite alright.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter, but I felt like this was the right place to end it! 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos & comments! Made my day, and feel like it's worth to continue :D So as a thank you for the warm welcome, I present to you the second chapter! -Please note that I can't promise updates will continue to go out this fast ;)-
> 
> Enjoy!

Castiel had to force himself to not let on he knew Dean. When their eyes locked, and he saw the recognition in Dean’s eyes, he almost forgot that Dean only recognized his eyes, and not his persona. He caught himself just in time from breathing out Dean’s name.

He was sure he looked like a gaping fish, but he couldn’t help the emotions running through his body, or make his mouth form any other words than the name of the man in front of him.

Sure, he had seen Dean since he changed their universe, but never this close. He hadn’t wanted to risk it. But now here he stood, and he felt himself getting lost into those green pools that were Dean’s eyes. His memory just didn’t do them justice. His hands were itching to reach out and pull the man into a hug, but he knew he couldn’t do that.

He managed to choke out some words as a response to Dean’s apology. He wasn’t sure what exactly he had said, but it seemed to do the trick.  

“You sure you’re okay, man? You look a bit shaken up.”

Dean’s voice hit Castiel like a ton of bricks. It was still the same deep voice he remembered, but at the same time it was completely different. The spark of life and humor he was used to hearing was gone.

Castiel shook his head slightly and couldn’t help but give a small smile when he looked back at Dean, up from the ground.

“I’m sure. Are _you_ sure you’re okay?”

* * *

Dean saw the worried look in the other man’s eyes, but he didn’t catch what he was saying. He was still stuck on the small smile the man had given him. Something was nagging him, telling him he was missing something, but he couldn’t put his finger on it and it pissed him off.

He ignored the fact that he wanted to see that smile again.

Dean got shaken out of his thoughts by another voice.

“He’s fine, don’t worry. I was just about to take him home.”

Dean turned his head around to look at Sam, wondering what he was doing. Sam looked a bit anxious, but mostly confused. Something snapped in Dean.

“I can speak for myself, you know,” Dean said while glaring at Sam.

Dean noticed the surprise in Sam’s eyes, quickly followed by triumph and more confusion. It made his head spin.

His attention was then returned back to Blue Eyes in front of him, who chuckled softly, with a fond look in his eyes, and something that seemed to be relief.

Dean was sure he had imagined the relief, but he couldn’t miss the wonderful sound of that laugh or the extremely evident look of fondness. Dean wondered if Blue Eyes was gay, and flirting with him, and was surprised to find it didn’t creep him out as much as he’d expected. He almost blurted out the question, but caught himself just in time. That would’ve been incredibly rude.

“Dean,” Sam hissed softly, “We really should be going now.”

Dean scowled, but before he could reply Blue Eyes did it for him.

“That’s okay, I should be going too. It was nice bumping in to you, eh..?”

“Dean,” Dean held his hand out to shake. “Dean Winchester. The pleasure was all mine.” He almost threw in a wink. He wanted to kick himself. What the hell was he doing?

He soon forgot his worries when the man shook his hand and sent him a full blown smile. Dean felt his knees buckle at the smile and contact, and he cursed himself for acting like a teenage girl with a crush. What was _wrong_ with him? Why did this man have this kind of effect on him?

When Sam started dragging Dean back to the car, Dean immediately felt the loss of the stranger’s presence.

He knew it was ridiculous. He was sure that, besides the eyes, he had never seen the man before, and yet it felt like he knew him. The confusion was clouding Dean’s mind, and he didn’t hear a word of what his brother was saying. Only when they were at the entrance of the tent did he look back.

The man was gone, and Dean groaned, suddenly realizing something.

He had never gotten the man’s name.

* * *

Castiel knew he said he would do this the human way, but if he had to stay there for one second longer, he would’ve run up to Dean and done something stupid. So he had transported himself to a forest nearby.

It had been so tempting. Knowing that Dean, _his_ Dean, was standing right there, within touching distance. Everything in him screamed at him to just touch Dean and make him remember, but he knew he couldn’t do that. He knew it would only freak him out, and judging from Sam’s actions, he didn’t even remotely trust Castiel to begin with.

It had hurt, seeing Sam so careful around him, but he also knew he couldn’t blame the man. Neither of them knew who he was, even if he was sure that Dean recognized him subconsciously. The confusion had been evident, and Castiel had to use all he had to not reveal who he really was. Dean had to get to know him all over again before Castiel could ever think of clueing him in.

But as hard as it was, Castiel decided to focus on the positive. Dean had responded. He had snapped at Sam, and made a remark at Castiel. Sure, the smirk had been missing, and the tone was still a bit off, but it was improvement still. Not to mention the hope it installed inside of him.

Castiel couldn’t help but feel a little happy that he had been the one to provoke it. If he ever needed confirmation that what he was doing right now was the right call, this was it. Dean needed him, and Castiel would be there, no questions asked.

However, putting all that aside, he couldn’t help but think back to Gabriel’s words.

“ _You’re an angel. Act like one._ ”

Castiel knew that what he was doing could be dangerous. He knew there were consequences for certain actions. Actions he had refrained himself from before because Dean, and Sam, needed him at full power. Now all he had to hold him back, was himself. The brothers weren’t in danger, and his family would always be his family, regardless.

He wondered if it was worth it to resist this time.

Wasn’t he allowed to be happy, too?

* * *

“He _snapped_ at me, Bobby!” Sam exclaimed. “He also said something that almost could’ve passed for flirting. It just came out of nowhere and-,”

“That’s great, Sam! What did you do to have him act slightly more like himself?”

Sam sighed. “That’s the thing, Bobby. I didn’t do anything.”

“What do you mean? You saying he just did it himself? That this morning was just a fluke?” Bobby sounded confused and Sam couldn’t blame him. He was right there with him.

“I don’t know. One moment he says he’s not feeling well, and he’s all fidgety, and if we can go home and then… He walked right into this man, and I’m almost sure he wasn’t standing there before,  and he just… He started apologizing at first, which is unlike Dean, but there were words coming out of his mouth. Actual words. And trust me, he had barely spoken to me all day.” Sam took a deep breath to steady himself. “I don’t know what happened. They weren’t having a conversation by any means, but something was going on, Bobby.”

Sam got up and paced the kitchen. Dean was upstairs, changing back into his sweats.

“Dean even asked him again if he was okay, but when the question was returned Dean just kept silent, so I cut in. That’s when he snapped. He said, and I quote, that he could speak for himself. I mean, seriously!? He hadn’t spoken all day, and he says he can _speak for himself_? But then, the man said he should go anyways, and fished for Dean’s name by saying it was nice to _bump into him_. Who says that anyway? And Dean just played along. Gave him his name, told him the pleasure was all his! They shook hands and for some reason they held on longer than was necessary, and I had to physically drag Dean away. He had completely zoned out by that point. He didn’t hear a thing I said, all the way back home. The only thing that he kept muttering now and then was that he didn’t get a name. I just.. What the hell, Bobby?”

It stayed silent on the other side of the line. Then Bobby started laughing.

“Sam, I think you’re overreacting a bit. I wasn’t there, but from what I hear, the break did him good. He got out, different surroundings, and to top it off he ran into someone that caught him off guard. It sounds like Dean might have developed a little crush, but doesn’t know what to do with it, since, well, it’s obviously a guy. However, Sam, I think you are a bit jealous.”

Sam scoffed. “Why would I be jealous?”

“Because in the end, it was some stranger that broke through to Dean a bit, and not you.”

“Yeah but… I still don’t trust this guy. Something seemed off about him,” Sam defended himself.

“I know, Sam, but at this point it seems like he was good for Dean. And who knows? Maybe they’ll never see each other again, but maybe they will. And I, personally, hope they will. You always said it yourself: You want Dean to be happy, find the love of his life. If you are going to be so damn protective of him, he never will. So let him find his own way, Sam, and just be there for him whenever it crashes and burns.”

“You really think that’s all this is, Bobby?”

Bobby hummed. “I really do. So just let him come to you, don’t push him. Just be there for him like you have been so far. If I’m right, he’ll slowly open himself back up. Don’t worry too much, Sam. I’m sure Dean will be okay.”

Sam nodded to himself. “Kay… Thanks Bobby, I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t around.”

Bobby scoffed and Sam laughed. He swore he heard Bobby murmur ‘idjit’ before he hung up.

Sam wasn’t completely convinced, but he was willing to give it a try. He didn’t want to push Dean even further away, and if possible, he didn’t ever want to see Dean again like the way he was that morning.

He heard footsteps coming down the stairs and he quickly put his phone away and went to get himself a beer.

“You want one?”

“Thanks, Sammy.”

Sam quickly grabbed a second bottle and spun around. It was unbelievable how in just a few hours Dean had changed so much. Sure, he was back in sweats, but there was a small smile of gratitude playing around his lips. He also felt the deeper meaning and couldn’t help but smile back as he handed over the bottle.

“Anytime, Dean. You know that.”

* * *

Dean took a sip and contemplated how to phrase his next question. His mind was going crazy with all that had happened today and the last few months. He was at least right on something: finding those eyes was a huge relief. Like a weight had lifted off his shoulders. Too bad it was now replaced with: How? Why? Who? And: Why didn’t I ask his name?

But still, all of this together wasn’t as heavy as the complete unknown, so that was good he supposed. He didn’t feel like drinking himself into oblivion, but he also didn’t feel like being alone. He was tired, and he needed something to distract him from his thoughts. One hour in that car focusing on that man and how he himself had reacted was more than enough for today. He had way too many questions, and no answers to spare.

So Dean cleared his throat and nervously looked up at his little brother.

“Sam?” He cursed himself for sounding so weak.

Sam looked up and raised an eyebrow. Dean could see that Sam was desperate to hear what he had to say, which made him feel like a dick. What was he thinking, shutting Sam out?

“Ehm.. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but ehm.. Do you maybe want to order some pizza and watch crappy movies?”

Sam had to contain himself from going over and hugging his brother. He knew that would be taking it too far, and that Dean was taking baby steps, but he was just so glad that Dean had asked him to stay. Normally Sam just stayed out of his own accord, but now Dean _asked_ and Sam couldn’t help but feel this was huge. Maybe Bobby _was_ right?

Instead he gave a genuine smile and grabbed his phone to shoot off a text to Jess stating that he was staying with Dean. Per _Dean’s_ request. He then dialed the pizza place and ordered their usual.

“Don’t ever be afraid to ask anything of me, Dean. You’re my brother, and you have unlimited rights. Plus, you know me. I’m always up for pizza and movies.”

Dean gave a tentative smile. “You sure Jess won’t mind?”

Sam shook his head and held up his phone to show Jess’ reply. Dean nodded hesitantly and went to turn for the living room.

He got stopped by Sam’s hand on his shoulder.

“It’s gonna be okay, Dean. I promise.”

Dean couldn’t help but feel comforted by his little brother’s words and he nodded, his thoughts traveling back to the blue eyed-man.

“Yeah, I think you might be right, Sammy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I told you the depression and suicidal thoughts wouldn't rule the chapters for long. I hardly expect them to do so again later on. 
> 
> Lemme know what you think!  
> xx

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback would be nice! Would be nice to know if you guys think this is worth continuing! I have the plotline written down, in big lines, so that should be fine. I know this first chapter was a bit choppy, but it's more of a start up than anything. Still, I apologize!
> 
> This is also my first fic on AO3, so be nice if I screw anything up! -But do warn me!-


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